I sat down for a moment and thought through the last 45 minutes and was reminded that I hadn't handled any of the situations well. Why is it that my child needs to remind me about our commitment to read scriptures and say prayers daily? I also realized I hadn't hugged or kissed or told them I love you. How could I be so heartless? I was devastated. Yes, it was a frustrating situation but how could I hurt my precious children? Why do I make these mistakes? Why couldn't I handle it right the first time? How have I not permanently scarred them? Too many times I find myself overwhelmed in the moment of distress only to regret my reaction later.
I went to their room and kissed their sleeping faces and whispered I love you. I then dropped to my knees sobbing and I prayed. I pled with The Lord for forgiveness. How could I ever hurt these sweet spirits He sent to be a part of my life? I want to be a better mother. I felt like a failure. I love my children. I am doing the best I can but I fall short.
I returned to the baby's side because he was fussing. I started to hum without thinking of what song I was going to do and I was shocked to hear myself humming the melody of "Amazing Grace". It hit me like a wave of love from Heaven, this was the answer to my tearful prayer. His grace is suffient for all mankind, even a wretch like me. I was feeling pretty wretched at the moment. "Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things." Jacob 4:7
I am not a perfect mother, but because of Jesus Christ I am a mother that is good enough. This sweet innocent baby I was singing was proof of His gift. This baby is an embodiment of the promises I have made with my father in Heaven. His very existence is proof that Heavenly Father believes in me, I can not do it on my own, but with Jesus Christ I can do all things. "And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." Mark 10:27
I am a daughter of God. Heavenly Father loves me. Tonight wasn't good, but tomorrow will be better. I will continue to work every day to become the woman Heavenly Father knows I can become. He has given me the opportunity to have these precious spirits in my family. He doesn't expect me to be perfect all the time, but He does expect me to learn and grow and become perfect over time. "Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." Moroni 10:32
I know that I am never alone. By the power of God I was given the gift of the Holy Ghost. It is within the moments of distress and frustration that I need to trust in Him the most. I know if I turn to Him for guidance then I will never truly fail. For this gift I am forever grateful. "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
This was so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing such a deeply personal moment. It brought me to tears as you shared your heartache and then joy. Love you sis!
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