Amazing Grace

Tonight I was feeling very discouraged after a rough night with the kids. It was late and their bed time and I was trying to nurse the baby and get them ready for bed at the same time. I was very frustrated with one child because of a repeated undesirable behavior. I expressed my distress loudly and sent him to bed. I was attempting to put the baby to bed too and I returned to soothe him and rock him to sleep. Then I caught the other child doing something he wasn't supposed to and sent him to bed. He asked me why we hadn't read scriptures and said prayers. I quickly responded, I don't know, we'll do it tomorrow, got to sleep. I then quickly returned to put the baby to sleep again. 

I sat down for a moment and thought through the last 45 minutes and was reminded that I hadn't handled any of the situations well. Why is it that my child needs to remind me about our commitment to read scriptures and say prayers daily?  I also realized I hadn't hugged or kissed or told them I love you. How could I be so heartless? I was devastated. Yes, it was a frustrating situation but how could I hurt my precious children? Why do I make these mistakes? Why couldn't I handle it right the first time? How have I not permanently scarred them? Too many times I find myself overwhelmed in the moment of distress only to regret my reaction later.

I went to their room and kissed their sleeping faces and whispered I love you. I then dropped to my knees sobbing and I prayed. I pled with The Lord for forgiveness. How could I ever hurt these sweet spirits He sent to be a part of my life? I want to be a better mother. I felt like a failure. I love my children. I am doing the best I can but I fall short.

                                      

I returned to the baby's side because he was fussing. I started to hum without thinking of what song I was going to do and I was shocked to hear myself humming the melody of "Amazing Grace". It hit me like a wave of love from Heaven, this was the answer to my tearful prayer. His grace is suffient for all mankind, even a wretch like me. I was feeling pretty wretched at the moment. "Nevertheless, the Lord God showeth us our weakness that we may know that it is by his grace, and his great condescensions unto the children of men, that we have power to do these things." Jacob 4:7

I am not a perfect mother, but because of Jesus Christ I am a mother that is good enough. This sweet innocent baby I was singing was proof of His gift. This baby is an embodiment of the promises I have made with my father in Heaven. His very existence is proof that Heavenly Father believes in me, I can not do it on my own, but with Jesus Christ I can do all things. "And Jesus looking upon them saith, With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." Mark 10:27

          

I am a daughter of God. Heavenly Father loves me. Tonight wasn't good, but tomorrow will be better. I will continue to work every day to become the woman Heavenly Father knows I can become. He has given me the opportunity to have these precious spirits in my family. He doesn't expect me to be perfect all the time, but He does expect me to learn and grow and become perfect over time. "Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God." Moroni 10:32

I know that I am never alone. By the power of God I was given the gift of the Holy Ghost. It is within the moments of distress and frustration that I need to trust in Him the most. I know if I turn to Him for guidance then I will never truly fail. For this gift I am forever grateful. "My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me." 2 Corinthians 12:9

Fearless

I have realized that I have allowed fear to creep into my heart and that I cannot have both faith and fear in my heart at the same time. I need to have more faith and less fear. Fear is not of God. Fear overwhelms me when I think of all the "what if"s in life, all the worst-case-scenarios and I worry needlessly. I need to put my trust in the Lord.
"Fear thou not, for I am with thee: be not dismayed, for I am thy God; I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness."
Isaiah 41:10

This has been my favorite scripture since I was 9 years old and I read it after having a bad dream. It gave me comfort then and it gives me comfort now. I am amazed at how I am still learning the full meaning of it. When I was 9 years old my greatest fear were the dark scary nightmares of my childish imagination. Now,  I am a wife and my mother and my fears are much more real. My imagination still works and still has a dark side. I am too good at imagining horrible scenarios of pain and grief for myself and my family. It is easy to dwell on such things especially with the world that we live in and the horrible tragic news you hear every day. However, this is NOT the way of the Lord.
"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."
2 Tim 1:7
A sound mind is a mind at peace. Jesus Christ is the "Prince of Peace" and he wants to bring us joy and comfort. His Gospel is Peace. We need not fear the evils of this world when we have faith in him. His Gospel is Love. Love is His Power.
"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love." 1John 4:18
Love casteth out fear. When we love the Savior we have faith in Him. He takes away our fears. He takes them away and replaces them with hope, love, and peace. 
"He lives to silence all my fears.
He lives to wipe away my tears.
He lives to calm my troubled heart. 
He lives all blessings to impart."   
I Know That My Redeemer Lives by Samuel Medley
Fear isn't of the Lord. The Lord vanquishes fear through His Love. His Great Atoning Sacrifice has already paid the price. We need to let go of our fears and TRUST in Him. He will lead us he will guide us. He will give us Peace. 

Testimony

I have been learning a lot about having faith or belief and what it means to have a testimony. When I first began reading the scriptures I believed what I read was true. As I got older I began to pray about those things and the Spirit confirmed in my heart that it was right. As I got even older I started to put into practice what the scriptures taught and that is when I KNEW that what the scriptures is true. I am still doing this process. I am continuing to gain a testimony about new gospel principles.
I know that Heavenly Father lives.
I know that we are His children.
I know he hears and answers my prayers.
I know Jesus Christ is His Son, the Only Begotten.
I know that Jesus Christ is the Savior and Redeemer of the world.
I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet who restored the full gospel to the earth.
I know that there is a living prophet of God on the earth today.
I know the Bible contains the words of God.
I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of God.
I know that the Priesthood is the power of God given to man through the proper authority.
I know that God designed us to be born into families here on the earth.
I know that the temple is the House of the Lord and that His Spirit resides there.
These are the things that I know with a surety. There are many more things not listed. There are even more things that I believe but do not yet have a knowledge.
"Faith is not to have a perfect knowledge of things; therefore if ye have faith ye hope for things which are not seen, which are true." (Alma 32:21)
I do not see everything, but I do have hope. I have hope and I have faith. I know that as I continue to learn and grow in spirit that my faith will continue to grow and I will gain new knowledge.
I want to share this testimony with my boys and give them hope in a better tomorrow and a faith in their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

Forgiveness

I was reminded recently how much we each need forgiveness. Also how grateful I am that forgiveness is available to me. Lastly, that the possibility of forgiveness gives us a brightness of hope.
"Wherefore teach it unto your children, that all men, everywhere, must repent, or they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God, for no unclean thing can dwell there, or dwell in his presence; for, in the language of Adam, Man of Holiness is his name, and the name of his Only Begotten is the Son of Man, even Jesus Christ, a righteous Judge, who shall come in the meridian of time." Moses 6:57
Forgiveness requires repentance. Repentance is a process that requires our effort. It is more than just saying sorry. It is the act of confessing and forsaking your sins and living the commandments of God.
"By this ye may know if a man repenteth of his sins - behold, he will confess them and forsake them" D&C 58:43
"Nevertheless, he that repents and does the commandments of the Lord shall be forgiven." D&C 1:32
I am amazed at the glorious sacrifice that Jesus Christ made so that we all may be able to repent of our sins and be made clean again. At times I can catch myself thinking that I am worthless because I am so dependent on Christ for my salvation. Then I realize I am NOT worthless. I am PRICELESS! Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ value my salvation so much that they were willing to sacrifice for me. Heavenly Father gave His Only Begotten as the ultimate sacrifice. Jesus Christ was willing and made the choice to be the Ultimate Sacrifice that we may repent, be forgiven, and be worthy to live with our Father in Heaven again.
"For behold, I, God, have suffered these things for all, that they might not suffer if they would repent" D&C 19:16

When we repent of our sins and forsake them, to do them no more, we are blessed with forgiveness. Forgiveness is one of the sweetest gifts available to us. I know that you can feel of the Savior's love without sinning (it is the easier way), but through sinning we learn and grow and gain that love. How much sweeter the peace of Christ tastes after knowing the bitterness of His absence.
"And now, behold, when I thought this [the coming of Jesus Christ], I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more. And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain! Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy." Alma 36:19-21
After repentance comes the "brilliant morning of forgiveness".
"Behold, he who has repented of his sins, the same is forgiven, and I, the Lord, remember them no more" D&C 58:42
Just as Jesus Christ will forget our sins, we may also experience the fading memory of our past transgressions and our pain will be assuaged. We do not need to be haunted by our past mistakes if we have truly, sincerely, and completely repented and forsaken them. Jesus Christ has paid the price, if we repent, our debt is paid. Glory to God in the Highest! For He has made it possible that we have a Savior to save us from sin that we may live with Him again.

Power of Prayer

I have been thinking a lot about this topic because of the powerful and personal impact it has on my life. Matt 21:22 "And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive." Matt 26:41 "Watch and pray, that ye enter not into temptation: the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak." I love this scripture because so many times I feel my Spirit willing me to do something, but I feel held back or unsure. I don't feel I have the strength to overcome my weaknesses and accomplish the goals to which I aspire. 1 Thes. 5:17 "Pray without ceasing" Always have a prayer in your heart to keep your mind centered on Jesus Christ James 1:6 "But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed."  James 5:16 "Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much." Moroni 7:49 "Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love, which he hath bestowed upon all who are true followers of his Son, Jesus Christ; that ye may become the sons of God; that when he shall appear we shall be like him, for we shall see him as he is; that we may have this hope; that we may be purified even as he is pure. Amen." It is an opportunity for us to become one with the Father, to allow our wills to be swallowed up in His will. That we may become submissive and humble to our Father in Heaven.

There are so many songs about prayer and I love te words and the beauty and faith they convey. Sweet Hour of Prayer 1. Sweet hour of prayer! Sweet hour of prayer! That calls me from a world of care And bids me at my Father’s throne Make all my wants and wishes known. In seasons of distress and grief, My soul has often found relief And oft escaped the tempter’s snare By thy return, sweet hour of prayer! And oft escaped the tempter’s snare By thy return, sweet hour of prayer! 2. Sweet hour of prayer! Sweet hour of prayer! Thy wings shall my petition bear To him whose truth and faithfulness Engage the waiting soul to bless. And since he bids me seek his face, Believe his word, and trust his grace, I’ll cast on him my ev’ry care And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer! I’ll cast on him my ev’ry care And wait for thee, sweet hour of prayer! Did You Think to Pray? 1. Ere you left your room this morning, Did you think to pray? In the name of Christ, our Savior, Did you sue for loving favor As a shield today? Oh, how praying rests the weary! Prayer will change the night to day. So, when life gets dark and dreary, Don’t forget to pray. 2. When your heart was filled with anger, Did you think to pray? Did you plead for grace, my brother, That you might forgive another Who had crossed your way? Oh, how praying rests the weary! Prayer will change the night to day. So, when life gets dark and dreary, Don’t forget to pray. 3. When sore trials came upon you, Did you think to pray? When your soul was full of sorrow, Balm of Gilead did you borrow At the gates of day? Oh, how praying rests the weary! Prayer will change the night to day. So, when life gets dark and dreary, Don't forget to pray A Child’s Prayer 1. Heavenly Father, are you really there? And do you hear and answer ev’ry child’s prayer? Some say that heaven is far away, But I feel it close around me as I pray. Heavenly Father, I remember now Something that Jesus told disciples long ago: “Suffer the children to come to me.” Father, in prayer I’m coming now to thee. 2. Pray, he is there; Speak, he is list’ning. You are his child; His love now surrounds you. He hears your prayer; He loves the children. Of such is the kingdom, the kingdom of heav’n.

I love prayer. It is a form of meditation. It is a chance to shut out the noise of the world and communicate to my Father in Heaven. I feel like I can be completely honest an open with my feelings. I have prayers that are pure gratitude where I just pour out thanks to my Father in Heaven. Some prayers are short desperate pleas for assistance. Most of my prayers are a combination of thanksgiving and humble requests. All of my prayers include a fervent repentance and a plea for forgiveness oft sins. There have been a few prayers of anger when I'm frustrated with how life is going but I'm usually humbled very quickly and realize that God is not at fault. I am so grateful to have this form of communication with my Father in Heaven. It is through prayer that I feel the love of my Heavenly Father and feel the cleansing power of the Atonement. Prayer is sacred and prayer is universal. Prayer can be meaningful in a variety of situations or circumstances as long as it is heartfelt and sincere. Even a small child can pray and Heavenly Father will hear and answer their prayer. We should always have a prayer in our hearts. If we do we will fill an increase of love for our Father in Heaven, His Son, Jesus Christ, and all of His children around us here on Earth. 

Light

I have been thinking a lot recently about light and knowledge. I have received some new insights and understandings and I am so grateful for this increase of intelligence I have been pondering its source. I think that all light, physical and intellectual, comes from one source. That source is Jesus Christ and His light is in all things.


D&C 88:13
"The light which is in all things, which giveth life to all things, which is the law by which all things are governed, even the power of God who sitteth upon his throne, who is in the bosom of eternity, who is in the midst of all things."

The light that connects us all to each other and to all of God's creations.

D&C 88:11
"And the light which shineth, which giveth you light, is through him who enlighteneth your eyes, which is the same light that quickeneth your understandings;"

Our knowledge and intelligence is gained through Jesus Christ. As we do the work to learn and grow through experience, Christ will give us the light of new understanding and we will learn line upon line, precept on precept, little by little.

Walk before you run. We are all in a state of imperfection so we should have a goal to be constantly improving ourselves. This can be done through our Lord an Savior Jesus Christ.

D&C 34:2
"The light and the life of the world, a light which shineth in darkness and the darkness comprehendeth it not;"

We have to be open and receptive to receive the understandings of the Lord. His light gives life. Our life is not possible without his light.

D&C 50:24
"That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light, and continueth in God, receiveth more light; and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day."

All good comes from God because he is light and any light that is received is given by God. He wants is to gain understanding and any man or woman open to receiving His light can receive it. Anything that is good originates from God.

D&C 12:9
"Behold, I am the light and the life of the world, that speak these words, therefore give heed with your might, and then you are called. Amen."

He is our guiding light in this life. If we choose to follow Him, He will guide us to return to our Father in Heaven.

D&C 115:5
"Verily I say unto you all: Arise and shine forth, that thy light may be a standard for the nations;"

We each have our own light which can be a reflection of His light and which can be used as an example to others. We have the ability to not only follow Jesus Christ but lead others to Him.

THE LIGHT AND LIFE OF THE WORLD

Charity

I have been wanting to increase the charity I have within  my heart towards my fellow man. Of course I want to be more loving to my family, but I want to love all of God's children. I think I do love them in a very small way, but I have discovered that what I need is charity and I need it in greater abundance than I do now. I have been doing some searching on the topic and I have some new ideas.

Charity is the pure love of Christ (Moroni 7:47) which means that Jesus Christ has love for all of us. Heavenly Father loves all of us and we in turn love Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. The first great commandment is to love God and then to love your neighbor (matt 22:37-39). So real, true, pure love (or charity) is the energy that binds us all together. It connects all of God's children together.

This connection is given to us but we can lose it. So it is something we have to work to keep. We need to practice charity. We do this through serving others (Mosiah 4:16). When we serve others we develop a stronger sense of charity. This is necessary for our eternal development and salvation (Moroni 10:21).

"And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things."
- Moroni 7:45 (1 Cor 13:4)

ALL THINGS

That stood out to be not only because it is said multiple times, but also because it is so absolute. It's the scripture version of "love conquers all". I believe it is true. If you have enough love you are willing to forgive any fault, you are willing to sacrifice any amount of time, any worldly possession for that person. Heavenly Father loves you and asks you to love Him and His children in return. I think of a dear friend that I have in my life who has a child of their own. I love this friend very much and I love her child very much. How much more love I should have for my Father in Heaven? How can I deny him this request?

I do not think that I can love all others over night. It may take me some time to feel real genuine love for every person. I struggle with drivers who cut me off in traffic and referees who make horrible calls at games, but I am learning to let go of my anger and focus on increasing my understanding and compassion for others. Love unifies all of God's children together in the great eternal family.

Brotherly Love